Man who really loved baked-beans


Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked-beans.

He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him.

One day, he met a girl and fell in love.  When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself;  “She’ll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this”.  So he made the supreme sacrifice and gave-up baked-beans.

Soon thereafter they were married.

A few months later on the way home from work, his car broke-down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk.  On his way home he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked-beans overwhelmed him.

Since he still had several miles to walk, he figured he could “walk-off” any ill-affects before he got home.  So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra-large helpings of baked-beans.

All the way home he was letting them rip.  By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited.  She exclaimed, “Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!”.  She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek.

At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on.  Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang.  She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity.  He shifted his weight to one leg, and let go.  It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten-egg.  He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.

He had started to feel better, when another urge came-on.  He raised his leg and RRIIIIPPPPP!!!!.  It sounded like a diesel-engine revving, and smelled worse than the first.  To keep from gagging he tried fanning his arms, hoping the smell would dissipate.

He got another urge.  This was a real blue-ribbon winner.  The windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled, and a minute later the flowers on the table had wilted and died.

While keeping an ear tuned-in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes.  Farting and fanning each time with his napkin.  When he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it.

Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife returned.

Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table.  After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, “SURPRIIIISE!!!!”.

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests already seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

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